Day 9: A Closet Painter?

January 10, 2013

Well my first slip up this morning, I had conveniently forgotten a car appointment and by the time I had my senses about me I had to rush out the door, a cracker for breakfast and 3 blank pages in my journal. What ensued was a progressively stressful day full of  a car appointment, another lost client, a multi-hour conversation with my business partner trying to disentangle myself from the business, lots of driving, and general technical head banging, hand wringing and unproductivity.

An angry dad painting a closet – from

Blah.I don’t feel very good right now and I’m wondering if there is a causation or merely a correlation happening here. Anyway, it is interesting to note. I am going to do a quick task from chapter 2 of Walking in This World to try and soothe my troubled soul.

Identify Your Identity:

Answer the following questions as rapidly as you can (answers in italics)

1) When I was a small child, I dreamed of growing up to be rich (or an fbi agent possibly, can’t really remember so just going off what people have told me I said to them.)

2) In my childhood, my interest in what art was encouraged? Music

3) In my childhood, my interest in what art was discouraged? Visual Arts – Drawing, painting etc

4) If I had had more encouragement, I would have probably tried painting

5) The teacher who helped me see my gifts was Duane Wolfe & AP English Teachers who I can’t remember the name at the moment because I was too stoned.

6) The childhood friends who helped my see my gifts were Shawn & Erin

7) If I had another life, the art form I would start exploring early is painting

8) The reason it is too late for me in this lifetime is the length of time and patience towards mastery seems completely unattainable, plus I’m not very gifted imho so it would be lots of hard work that I’m not ready or patient enough to undertake.

9) One action I can take in the direction of my childhood love is to buy a couple of canvasses and see what happens

10) I now commit to this dream by painting something during the 3 month journey of this course

I don’t know if this is really a love, a childhood love to paint. But it is something worth exploring. I think it might inform me of some things I need. In college my favorite course was actually an intro to painting course – one where I felt like I made real progress and learned how to bring something out from the inside, and leave some inhibitions behind. So, maybe it wasn’t so far off base.

Not sure this will lead me to my childhood dream of being rich, however, but is this really a worthy dream at this point? It seems to have gotten me into a lot of unfulfiling situations thus far. When it is the point, it hasn’t worked.

So maybe I need to reconsider the point, and shift towards doing what I love, and trust that some money will be the byproduct rather than the goal. Not planning on painting bringing home the tempeh just yet, but it might be fun!

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